The residents of a seemingly peaceful close are startled by the arrival of the Conans - the family from hell.
Terry Conan's (Mark White) late-night DIY inspires the wrath of newly retired George (John Cater) on one side and curmudgeonly Percy Wilkes on the other. George is easily intimidated but no one has ever dared stand up to Percy before. Then Percy is found in his bedroom, dead of an apparent heart attack...
Local dope-heads Banjo (Jim Sturgess) and Cain (Tim Plester) watch goings on through a large hole in the wall of their flat and, deprived of television to amuse them, (the signal is down) they become convinced Percy's death is sinister.
Down the road, Elspeth Nut (Sian Liquorish) tries to tell her Asian boyfriend, Jeet (Ronny Jhutti), she is pregnant while her mother, Hilary (Janet Rawson) is too busy having an affair with her washing machine to notice that her son's, Tarquin (Matthew Lockwood) anxious attempts to reveal his penchant for strappy shoes and dresses.
Sally's (Sandra James-Young) pet rabbit has mysteriously disappeared and gay couple Guy Sapp (Nicolas Tennant) and Tony Runcorn (John Phythian) are horrified by homophobic grafitti on their front door. The close isn't the peaceful place it once was. Young single mother Lesley Eastern (Holly Atkins) discovers this when her flat is burgled. She wastes no time in accusing Tina Conan (Dido Mills) and, as bad feeling against the Conan's builds an emergency resident's meeting is held, which climaxes in ex-SAS soldier Brian Shaw's (Paul Hawkyard) impassioned plea for vigilant action..
Guy (Nicholas Tennant) and Tony's (John Phythian) humanitarian wedding looks to be a non-starter when Guy gets cold feet. Obviously, Tony is heartbroken and is set on leaving his live-in-lover. However, Guy has other things on his mind and visits Lesley (Holly Atkins) with a view to starting a new life as father to toddler Nei (Hollie Cozier Puttock). Unfortunately for Guy, Lesley makes it clear he has no part in Nei's life so, when he finds Guy, bags packed and ready to leave, Tony bites the bullet and persuades him to stay by proposing.
The awesome task of organising Guy's stag night falls nn the dopey Banjo (Jim Sturgess), who goes about inviting every man in the Close, including a delighted Terry Jnr (Thom Fell).
The beer flows freely at Guy's flat as the men of the Close "celebrate" Guy's last night of freedom. Ranjit Singh (Kriss Dosanjh) is drowning his sorrows, Roger Nut (Peter Geeves) is steering clear of his vengeful wife and Dave Rind (Sean Francis) is left holding the baby as his wife, Sally (Sandra James Young), is finding it hard to cope with such a demanding child. However, agoraphobic student Cain (Tim Plester) is only too happy to offer Sally a little light relief.
Tony's "hen night" amounts to a few drinks at the Nuts' house with bridesmaid-to-be Tarquin (Matthew Lockwood) and the newly-teetotal Hilary (Janet Rawson) but, a few doors down, the men, and especially Brian (Paul Hawkyard), get a little more than they bargained for when they find one of Terry Conan's blue movies.
The morning after the night before, the guests have gathered on the green and, as the big day gets under way, there are more than a few unwelcome arrivals-and departures.
Terry's (Mark White) return to the Close brings little joy to his long-suffering wife, Tina (Dido Miles). He is extremely concerned that someone is after him so security at the Conan household has to be upgraded to protect them from any unwanted visitors. It is only after a visit from dodgy dealer Kenny (Dermot Keaney) that he thinks of looking closer to home.
George Carter (John Cater) feels he no longer has a worthy place in society and his self esteem is at an all-time low. Nothing his wife, Edy (Matyelock Gibbs), says can cheer him up and eventually he decides to take drastic action.
After endless analysis of what happened on the night of the shop fire, Charan (Bhati Patel) finally admits to Ranjit (Kriss Dosanjh) that she torched his beloved business. She hated working there and even though Ranjit thought it was good enough for them, she wanted more for their son, Jeet (Ronny Jhutti). Ranjit is outraged and throws her out of their house. She is forced to seek refuge in their garden shed, amongst the boxes of crisps and cartons of chocolate.
Meanwhile, Tony (John Phythian) is devastated after Guy's (Nicolas Tennant) no-show at their wedding. A worried Tarquin (Matthew Lockwood) tries in vain to get into the house to console him. Help comes from Tarquin's father, Roger (Peter Geeves), who finds Tony gorging himself on the wedding cake trying to eat himself to death. Roger becomes a shoulder to cry on for the inconsolable Tony, much to the surprise of his wife, Hilary (Janet Rawson). Later that evening, a much more genial Roger tries to kick-start his and Hilary's love life by suggesting an early night, the first time in "three years and 11 days" according to Hilary.
Running Time: 50 minutes (approx)
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